Helen Deal Funeral Celebrant in North London & East Anglia
Hello I'm Helen Deal, a member of the Association of Independent Celebrants (AOIC), working as a Funeral Celebrant in London and near Woodbridge in Suffolk, East Anglia. Some people know me better as Helen Stott, my married name.
Either way, if you are here, I'm probably meeting you at a time of crisis. Hopefully I'm the right person to help you through it. But first let me tell you a bit about my previous work, my personal experiences, the people and things I love, so you can decide...
Are you hoping for a heartfelt, original service, with lots of personal details smoothly woven through? If so, you might be reassured to know I've been telling stories and working with words my whole 'Pre-Celebrant' life. (Long before bots!)
I was a magazine journalist in London in the fun era of long lunches and lots of face-to-face interviews. ​​At one of these, I asked a personal question - 'are you hiring?' - and ended up living in Hong Kong for five years. I was in my 30s at the time, ie many moons ago. I loved everything about the place and wrote some of my favourite stories there ...!
Moving to Brunei (the Malay part of Borneo) for husband's construction job, was a bit of a shock to the system. There was no media scene and no night life - unless you count a bootleg beer at one-eyed Jawi's in the jungle! (Great fun, obviously!)
Yet Brunei turned out to be exactly the right time and laid-back place to adopt our two Asian daughters. Things definitely happen for a reason!
As a family we find our way back to Asia whenever we can, but our 'girls' are very much North Londoners now.
​Life changed a lot after children - as it does!
Back in London, I started teaching media skills, at one point working with Tottenham teenagers after the 2011 riots. I ran some lovely storytelling projects with older people, also reading groups - sharing poetry mainly.
I could go on all day about 'Poem Power' and how poetry sparks neurons in the brain (scientifically proven; google it!). But I'll just say, the best of poems are a bit magic - like music, they can really heighten emotions and bring back memories.
My work has always involved telling stories, about so-called 'ordinary' people. The idea of becoming a Celebrant and giving people a really meaningful send off, then gradually took hold. Especially after some personal losses of my own.​​​
Marking a death with some kind of memorial, really can bring peace of mind
What makes a good celebrant, for Helen Stott?
Being trained, certified, and continually developing through professional networks like AOIC, are all important ... But what makes a good celebrant is empathy with those feeling lost, overwhelmed, or just desperately sad. Family and friends know me better as Helen Stott, and I'd like to explain how my personal experiences influence how I work.
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My dad died very suddenly, partly as a result of caring for my mum who had Alzheimer's. Five years later, I lost Mum completely too. Single-handedly planning both their funerals - without siblings - felt incredibly lonely, and I never forget that feeling when others are going through similar.
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Since training as a Dementia Champion, I also understand how bewildering bereavement is for someone with memory loss. Especially if friends fall away, believing there's nothing left of the person they knew. Like all the best funeral services, Mum's served as a reminder to everyone of her many triumphs in life. Though I'm personally OK with also acknowledging life's challenges and generally keeping things real as well.
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Why I believe in Ceremony ...
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Everyone's different, but it turns out scattering ashes in a lake - albeit a beautiful one - while raising a glass of champagne, after a long lunch, is not 'Ceremony' enough for me.
This was my experience several years ago, and the day afterwards I just couldn't stop crying. I wasn't a Celebrant and I'd never heard of Direct Cremations at that time, but something felt incomplete. I now realise I'd expected - and needed - some 'shade' in the day, as well as light. Specifically, someone (without emotional attachment) to give structure and dedicated time to talk about the person who'd died.
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Isn't death & grief part of the circle of life?
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The first ceremony I officiated, in Autumn 2021, was for a truly lovely local man and good friend of my husband. The chapel was packed with people I knew, along with many memories of our younger days.
There and then my training kicked in, as my professional networks of fellow celebrants had assured me it would. I put aside my own emotions to become the safe pair of hands everyone else needed.
Incidentally this man had said to his family, 'just throw me in a hole', but he'd have loved the respect and affection we showed instead!
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Whatever your circumstance, I'll do my best to sensitively represent those you've lost... with an open mind and a bit of humour if it helps.
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Outside work ...
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Outside work I love the buzz and diversity of London, for both its looks and personality. Equally quiet times revive me - books, bingeing on TV dramas, bbqs on a campsite, cafes, long walks on the Suffolk coast, or paddling up the River Deben with the (locally famous) Dragon Boat crew.
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Funny and nurturing friendships keep me going, wherever I am, and luckily there's the firm foundation of my family. They make me laugh and challenge me constantly - usually in a good way!
That's John - my rugby-fanatic partner, a stonemason who restores buildings, and cooks great dinners - plus our two adult daughters. Adopting them as babies during our 10 years in Asia, has been the highlight of my life...
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So that's more than enough about me! If I feel like the right person to spend time with, thank you.
Next time we meet will be all about you and the person who brought us together.
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Member of Association of Independent Celebrants
NOCN Certified and trained in 2021 by Fellowship of Independent Celebrants.
